But what I do want is that sense of self-worth back. I was the This is a tool I am the weapon shirt Besides,I will do this girl who wore sweatshirts in the summer. Who held a couch pillow to hide my stomach in middle school. Who couldn’t fit into friends’ swimsuits or shorts during playdates, stuck in whatever not-fit-for-the-right-activity clothing I was wearing. And I buried that monster, remember? When I was a kid, I would lie awake at night, fantasizing what it would be like if I didn’t have that little bit of baby fat on me, what it would feel like. My mental state suddenly became the worst it’d been, on top of the fact that we were in a pandemic. It’s tough to think about December sometimes, honestly. I never spoke to that neurologist again.